Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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