just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
