I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
