Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
