Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
