I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
