Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
