All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
