You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
