I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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