i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
