Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
