well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
