Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
