She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
