shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
