I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
