So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
