Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
