You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
