i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
