yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
