Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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