dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize