im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
