Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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