So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
