Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
