Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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