he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
