how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
