Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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