he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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