They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
