How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
