isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
