You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
