..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
