hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
