at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
