So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
