if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
