I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
