So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
