just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize