I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
