So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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