Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
