i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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