kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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