it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
