i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
