When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
