i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
