He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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