And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
