1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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