If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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