They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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