Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
