no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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