u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
