Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
