I puked a lego.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
